Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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