Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
