I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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