I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
