For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
