So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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