She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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