turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize