Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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