she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
