Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
