I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
