I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
