My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
