What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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