hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
