Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
