Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
