I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
