he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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