Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
