She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
