It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
