idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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