We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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