Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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