MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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