This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
