There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
