You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
