I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize