Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
