this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
