ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You need a sexual gate keeper
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
