im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
