She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize