Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize