I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
