I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
