when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
its liver damage thursday
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
