I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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