K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
