the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is wine microwaveable?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
