I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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