: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
