I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
