I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
