You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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