I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
