Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
