WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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