she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
