I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
