So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
