today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
