why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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