My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
