he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
