I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
