I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
