He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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