I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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