Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
NoShamevember. You game?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
