actually, I'm a sock model
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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