i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
