DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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